I am sitting in a hotel room after midnight in Hershey, Pennsylvania while my sons sleep on the floor it preparation for a weekend soccer tournament. No, I am not cruel. We have 2 beds, but they refused to share, but also both refused the beds. Anyway, I digress. Today, my ex-husband, of under 3 months, marries the “other woman” …the woman he left me for…the woman he left our sons for. My mind is a jumbled web of thoughts and emotions that won’t be quieted tonight. So, here is my letter to him…he may never see it, because I am not going to send it to him and because he has made it abundantly clear that he doesn’t want to hear it…, so I leave this for the world to read. I have nothing to hide.
A year ago, if someone would have told me that tonight I would be alone in a hotel room with our sons for a soccer tournament on the day of your marriage to the woman who you would give up everything for, I would have laughed at the absurdity. Yet, that is exactly the story that has played out. I know our marriage wasn’t perfect, but I also never imagined the way in which it would implode in a matter of months (though I now know…it imploded years ago for you). So, today I release you. I can honestly say, the love I felt for you is gone and hasn’t been replaced with hatred, but rather a sadness. A sadness for myself, for our sons, and yes, for you. I know you think you are marrying the “love of your life” and maybe that is true. But know this, you gave up the best thing God gave you – a woman committed to staying with you through good times and bad and two amazing sons. I don’t pretend to know the woman you left us for, but I do believe that a relationship that started in lies will not end in truth. So, what do I wish for you on this day…a day where I am grieving and where our sons are confused…
May you never be on the receiving end of the kind of betrayal you put myself and our sons through. I hope that one day you develop empathy…empathy for the lives you and she chose to hurt to be together. Maybe someday you will be able to look at our sons and say, “I am sorry my actions hurt you, please forgive me”. Most importantly…I pray that one day you find what you are looking for.
Goodnight and goodbye. I can’t say that I wish you well…maybe I will be able to someday. For now, I wish that your restless, longing soul finds peace…not a peace found in the love of another, but a peace found in knowing you are loved by God.